Reply to Oprah podcast on estranged families

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I wrote upthread. I don't care how my childhood was anymore. I'm almost 60. What I DO care about is how I'm treated now. And it's still abusive and cruel. She uses triangulation and other narcissistic moves if she doesn't get her way. I'm done. She'll never change.
Modeling stepping away from this bullcrap is imperative for my kids to see, because she'll do it to them as well.

[/quote]
I agree with this.  I don't think people who can have okay relationships with their parents as adults are becoming estranged because of things that happened in their childhood.  I'm estranged from my parents and if you asked my mom the reason I'm sure she'd cite something from when I was little.  But the real reason is how she treats me now.  She just can't manage not to be unkind.  I have tried so many versions of boundaries over many years and none have been enough.  I blamed myself for a long time, only to reflect and realize that she makes friends but can't keep them.  Neither of my parents have a single relationship in their lives that last longer than about a year (except with each other, but that is a terribly dysfunctional relationship and they hate each other).  My mother manages to blow up any relationship in about that time unless there's barely any contact.  My three siblings all describe our childhoods as traumatic and they have all chosen not to have kids. [/quote]

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