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[quote=Anonymous]OP your post represents what SO MANY WOMEN (in male/female relationships) have to deal with: where we have our own concerns and fears, but then our DH says something like "Our son is a loser" and we have to both process our own immediate horror and heartbreak, while also trying to figure out what to say to our DH's to help them be more patient or understanding, while also being worried about our kid, while also being exhausted (emotionally and physically), and no one is there in that moment to look out for us. We're looking out for everyone else, and trying to keep our DH's from making the whole situation even worse by giving up on our kid.

That said, I think in that moment what I've said to my DH is (and it matters GREATLY what your DH's own family history is - if the definite answer is yes to the following question, this is not a winning strategy!) but I said to my DH "Wow, did your parents give up on  you every time you were in a funk or lost your focus or seemed depressed?  There is a reason raising teenagers is hard as hell, we're experiencing some of this, and it sucks, but it's common and we need to figure out what else we can do to get DS back on track.  It's literally our jobs!"

OP how would some version of that go over on  your DH?  Again, if DH has a really bad childhood/teen history with his parents, then maybe skip the first part and focus on how if parents give up on their kids, it's almost like a death sentence for them when they're really just being kids.

And then I have all the regular questions for you OP, like what is your son saying about why he's not trying and seems down/total lacking energy?  I assume you've asked him, what is he saying?  And have you talked to his doctor/pediatrician if still going to them?  Have you talked to the high school counselor about what's happening and asked for advice?  [/quote]

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