Reply to Is a holiday wishlist rude?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just commiserating OP since I dislike the adult gift giving culture around Christmas too. Let’s say I could use a nice soft warm winter hat from Vuori in a different color than I already have. Instead of just purchasing this hat in mid November, when I want it, I think “oh , Carol already asked me twice what I wanted for Christmas, I’ll give her this idea”. So I tell her. Then she asks me questions about where she can buy this in person or if it has to be online. Then she asks me again what color I wanted. Then she asks me for a back up color in case the department store is out of my preferred color. Then, finally, on Christmas, I get my hat that I’ve been wishing I had for the last 5 weeks, and it’s the wrong color, because Carol didn’t want to pay for shipping and the store only had orange left. So now I have to return it in person with the gift receipt, which takes 2 hours out of my Saturday, and then go online and buy myself the hat I could have just bought myself 5 weeks ago except I needed to be polite and give Carol a gift idea. Bonus points if the color I had wanted is now sold out after the holidays. [/quote]

This exactly. My parents never need a list because they give with the recipient in mind- not what they think we should have. For DC we offer items and they pick one and get it early or they give $ for us to get it. Meanwhile MIL will get exactly the opposite- either pulls the same shenanigans as “Carol” above or worse gets a size xxs petite wool coat for a person who is 5 ft 8 and is allergic to wool. Bonus points that the gift is bought on Dec. 23 as an afterthought in a panic- or by buying a j Jill gift card (no shade) when the person asked for a loft gift card and the stores are literally right next to each other. It’s almost diabolically on purpose to make the gift recipient feel unimportant and unwanted. Of course asking for a gift receipt is like stabbing MIL in the heart and is sure to bring tears. Was the gift for me to be happy or you to look good? We are supposed to fall over thankful - it is to the point where I would rather have nothing and just celebrate the day and be together- all though other issues at play make even that difficult.

The worst was when DC were little and SIL and I would give a specific want easily obtained at any large store and send the link only to find out MIL went and bought some obscure toy that is dangerous for kids and not the wanted item. Now DC is out of that item. I learned quickly not the give important wants as an option to MIL.

I think a list is fine if asked for the giver. [/quote]

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