Reply to Needing to change expectations (vent post)

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think there is some adjustment of expectations that happens. I certainly stopped expecting that my kid would turn in all homework, and I accepted it would impact his grades.

One thing I didn’t change is the expectation to have a future - whatever that might be for him. I thought he was capable of college and consistently explained that college was more than academics. It was a chance to experience a new part of the country, make new friends and expose oneself to all kinds of careers and learning that weren’t available in HS. I made it clear that highly ranked colleges don’t matter, and grades during college don’t matter much either. We also talked about non-college required career options, and I made it clear that that would be fine too.

I think the most important thing I did was consistently nurture my kids interests - talking to them about stuff they were interested in, signing them up for new things they wanted to try. That’s so important for kids with ADHD.

And I changed my concept of my role. I am not the enforcer or pusher. I am here to expose my kid to a variety of opportunities, to give them options for support and to encourage them and love them through successes and failures. And, the most important thing I could teach them is that failure is common and part of the learning experience.

Ultimately, he found his path and is in college and doing fine and happy, which I really had doubts about given that, in true ADHD fashion, we were scrambling about the last few weeks of school trying to make sure he would graduate.

Thank you for this—you sound like a great mom and really appreciate these thoughts, definitely things I’ll wish to emulate

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