Reply to Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order

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Reply to "Feeling like I'm the spouse who is always "on" and keeping things in order"

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am married to someone like this. We’re actually divorcing, because he perceives me as a mean nag and worse words that I won’t put here. Ironically he is finding the divorce process to be a huge struggle (not unlike some of the wild posts on some of the other boards lately) because he’s expected to actually take care of his own stuff without me noticing it for him.

I brought a lot of assumptions into our marriage because I was raised in a family of blue collar-turned-UMC doers. You didn’t sit down until the very end of the day and then you did with a sense that you had taken care of things or had a good plan for the next day. Light bulbs got replaced, drains unclogged, pants hemmed, socks matched, oil changed, floors mopped, etc without it being a huge fuss- everyone just did the things that needed to get done. I assumed that’s how adults worked. DH and I met in grad school and then he had a travel-intensive job early in our relationship, so that hid a lot of his lack of ability because life was so structured and then he just wasn’t around and/or had hotels/dry cleaners/restaurants doing everything for him.

My takeaway is that everyone should go for a really long camping trip with their intended spouse before things get too far along. Find a situation where they can’t hide their disinterest or inability to do things. [/quote]

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