Reply to Is reconcilation a unicorn?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's like running a marathon or getting sober . . . lots of people do it, but it's really hard and takes total commitment. You need to eat, breathe, and sleep accountability in order to do it right. And most cheaters are already lazy couch potatoes who probably aren't going to turn themselves into elite athletes.

As someone who's been there and done that and is now divorced after affair #2, I'll say . . . do NOT do any of the work for your spouse. Do not overcompensate. Do not get excited about tiny little bits of "effort." Don't give a ton of credit for "intentions" and ignore actions. Read Chump Lady. Read the book Fawning. [/quote]

Honestly, this. Is it possible? yes. Is it likely? not really.

The sort of person who'd cheat in the first place has a LONG way to go if they want to be a higher-integrity human being. If they wanted that, they would've had it from the start. While some people really do just make a catastrophic mistake and then learn from it, many more people lie, manipulate, and pretend to change before reverting right back to the sort of person they were content to be all along.

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The first time." - Maya Angelou[/quote]

Somebody who was monogamous for 20 years is a lot different than somebody who always cheated. They showed they are capable of monogamy. Every situation is different. Every person is different.  Your pool for dating in your 40/50/60s is going to basically be non-existent if you eliminate everyone who cheated. Sometimes what you have and built is better than the misfit toys circling the drain in the dating world. [/quote]

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