Reply to Why do women want to hang on to cheating men they seem to despise??

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know a woman whose husband told her he was unhappy for years. Mismatched libidos, and just not a lot of physical affection or romance in the marriage. She agreed to an open marriage for a while but then got furious when he developed feelings for one of the women he dated. At her insistence he broke it off with the other woman. Fast forward a few years, he tells her he wants to separate and she's shocked. Gets angry, says this is a betrayal, how dare he, and so on.

Eventually, he cheats, then moves out to be with the other woman and tells her he wants a divorces. She is shocked and betrayed, and trying to maniuplate him into coming back (telling him his adult children will hate him if he does't come back, getting her family to try to persuade him and so on).

I find this hard to understand. She is a friend so I make sympathetic noises. But I'm like– girl, your husband has clearly been miserable for years! He raised issues, you ignored them and told him to suck it up, and eventually he found someone more interested in his feelings (and his libido!). What did you expect? And why do you want him back? Trying to coerce or manipulate him into returning is not going to end well![/quote]

Hurt and anger make people irrational. Yes, of course she should just say, “You’re right, the marriage was not great and probably we both bear some responsibility for that, let’s get divorced.” But raging at him while simultaneously trying to get him to come crawling back is less painful than accepting that someone she must still care about on some level no longer wants to be with her. [/quote]

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