Reply to Any shared insights / lessons learned on designing best-for-kids custody situations

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]are the kids resisting being at the fathers?

Kids’ ages? Genders?

Is he the 30/20?

I think there is more to what you are saying. If both parents are on board with the arrangement then it’s really simple to file a mutually-agreed upon parenting plan with specifics or even one without any specifics depending on your jurisdiction. I’m guessing you actually have worries about your DH’s ability to commit to a real plan and questions about your kids’ resistance to being with him. I wouldn’t suggest a full parenting evaluation or whatever it’s called in your state, but what’s really going on here? Is your DH pushing for more time than he can reasonably commit to and your kids don’t want to be with him, and DH expects you to flex around his schedule? If so, I’m currently in that situation and a casual understanding is just not going to cut it. “Cooperative” and “coparenting” are not compatible with a parent who has an inflexible and unpredictable schedule and is typically just marketing language from that person or their attorney to get a more favorable outcome.

Sorry to sound paranoid but you’re raising a lot of red flags here.[/quote]

I agree with this pp. I suspect OP has dressed this up to describe a cooperative scenario, but really, it sounds like the father is getting screwed. He's in an apartment while SHE has the house? And she's presenting 80/20 or 70/30 as what's in the best interest of the kids, probably knowing full well the impact on child support and his finances? That doesn't sound equitable or in the best interest of the kids at all. The kids deserve the same living situation with each parent and equal time with each parent. That means sell the house, each buy or rent comparable properties, and split 50/50.  I have a feeling what she's presenting as "our" thinking is really HER thinking and she's either assuming he'll go along with it or will try to pressure him to do so.  And if her assertion is that he has full access to the kids under this 80/20 or 70/30, then just go with the 50/50. Unless she's waving child support or something.

As a very involved father with a similar work arrangement as being described, I would never have agreed to this arrangement. We did do 50/50 on paper but in reality it ended up being more like 90/10 with me as the 90, as my girls were adolescents and decided they preferred living with me.[/quote]

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