Reply to Any shared insights / lessons learned on designing best-for-kids custody situations

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When do you get a break? [/quote]

Right?? I wake up at 530 to get my solo (and DCUM) time 😂

I think it’s fair to consider this as part of the mix, because it’s important for my being a good mother to have some time for myself.

Other advice I have heard is to carve out 3 nights as Fri-Mon every other weekend so I have a real built in break for myself. But personally I don’t love that because it also means I’m handling an entire weekend solo by myself every other week plus the school weeks. It seems like okay let’s accept that mom will be burnt out by this schedule and just build in recovery time… I would rather find something that is well balanced all around. However I wonder if this aspect will get easier as the children get older, more capable of getting themselves to school, more activities on the weekends, etc. And we could shift schedules then. [/quote]

Well, it depends where you live and what the public transportation and safety situation is, and whether their activities are even reachable in that way. I found that there's a tough point in middle school where they're super busy but they're not yet old enough to get themselves around effectively. Then it gets easier in high school when they can Uber.

Don't think you can have their activities be weekends-only. When they get serious about something, it'll be weekends AND one or two weeknights every week. That starts happening around 10 or 12. I would make your peace with finding a reliable sitter and paying her well, when you get to that point.

If you're trying to hit a certain percentage of Dad time, remember that you can have him take them for entire weeks of vacation. Sometimes Important Job Men do well with that because they can block off their work schedule as totally unavailable and just focus on the kids. If he's bad at juggling and multitasking, that may work. Because it doesn't have to be 70/30 every single week. It just has to be 70/30 over the course of a year, or 6 months, or whatever you agree on. Pressuring everyone to hit a certain target in every week or two-week period is unnecessary, and is a poor fit for someone with a high-travel job.[/quote]

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