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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Hire a once a week aid for 3 or 4 hours (most agencies have a 3 or 4 hour minimum) .

When the aid comes in call them a cleaning lady (to father),

Let MIL drive off for the 3 or 4 hours so she gets a real break.

Tell her she can drive off and go to the spa, get her hair done, go to the mall etc.[/quote]

Can I make a request that you not say this? People mean well but “go to a spa” is so insulting. She’s probably going to go to the dentist, to which she’s overdue. Or cry alone in a parking lot. Or go to target and buy stuff they need. The idea that 3-4 hours of respite care is so amazing and restorative to a caregiver that they’ll “go to a spa” is so out of touch with their reality that it borders on cruel. [/quote]
I disagree. Caregivers often need to be nudged not just to accept help and respite, but also to give themselves permission to have their own needs addressed. Is she not allowed a professional haircut or a pedicure? For many people as they age, those become needs, not wants.

Weekly help for stepmom will hopefully mean she can do something nice for herself occasionally. That could be a walk, coffee with a friend, a nap, visiting a relative, a yoga class, making her own health appointments or going to them, running errands, sitting in a park or on the porch, whatever she needs.

It’s a start.

OP, please do read the article on geriatric care managers in their area and see if you can find one (there are links on that page) who they could meet with. The GCM might be able to move the needle with finding them additional resources they’ll trust, as well as with them being willing to accept more help and make some changes that are beneficial for both your dad and stepmom. [/quote]

Yeah of course, she should do whatever she needs wants during her time off. I’m just saying when you’ve set someone who has been a 24/7 caregiver up with 3-4 hours, don’t tell them to “go to a spa” or even give them instructions at all. She’ll figure it out. [/quote]

She is a stubborn caregiver who is refusing help and refuses to consider a facility.  At somepoint you have to stop being concerned about her well being if she doesn't want assitance
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