Reply to How do I handle questions and judgment about not working when the real reason is private?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's CRAZY to me that people are asking beyond "what do you do?" "Oh, I'm a stay at home parent." The end. Like this:

People sometimes point that out, or comment on what they’re able to afford with a double income, and it’s awkward and intrusive.

Blows my mind. I can't imagine anyone saying this. So my first question would be: are you sure that you're interpreting their questions right? And this isn't just internal defensiveness? Like, it makes sense that when they ask how old your kids are and you say 15 and 17 or something that they're surprised and maybe say, "Oh, really?" or something but are they actually saying "why aren't you back at work, they're so old?" If so, I'm sorry the people around you suck. Or are they actually saying "oh, well, I have a nice house. Don't you want out of your starter home?" Or are they saying "Oh, we'd just really struggle financially on one income" or something that you can just say "oh, we make it work!" or something to?

I guess either way the answer is the same - give a breezy blow off answer and change the subject. "Oh, they keep me busy! Do you have kids?"[/quote]

Oh, and on the "what do you do all day?" - maybe this is just my style, but I'd just answer earnestly, and again change the subject. "Well, today, I meal planned for the week and did a big grocery shop. Do you like to cook?" or whatever depending on what you actually did. My guess is part of the issue is that these are socially awkward people who were hoping you would have said you had a job because then they could have asked a follow up question, and they don't know what to say as a follow up question to a SAHM. Anyone who's starting a conversation in a social situation with "what do you do?" is... not good at small talk. So I'd probably assume "awkwardness" over "judgment."[/quote]

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