Reply to How to deal with an angry and resistant AUDHD teen who also wants to go to college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids issues are somewhat different (but similar in some ways).
Do you think you can sort of set terms in advance.  Like we will pay for college if you agree to —
HIPAA and ferpa waivers
Sharing grades with us 
If grades drop below a C in any class, you ageee you will start meeting with the EF coach and a tutor for that class
You will check in via FT once per week…
Or whatever you think will be constructive.  It might help to negotiate this with a therapist.

Have you ever read the Ross Greene books?  They might help.

I find that it often helps to put the question to him first.  We are paying a lot of money for college.  What do you think would be some commitments you can make that will help us feel that this is a good investment in your future?  If they come up with the terms, there is more buy in.
[/quote]

This seems like a good middle ground - he goes to college and there are guardrails.

You need to back off now, though, OP.  And he might fail and have college offers rescinded, I am not naive. But (1) better that the college take that opportunity away than you, for your relationship; and (2) it’s cheaper to learn now if independence is an unrealistic goal for him right now.

My kid is only ADHD but would never have the emotional maturity at 17 to say sorry or recognize my hard work or his role in our “discussions.”    To be fair, neither did I at that age.  That is definitely unrealistic so let that hope go because he can’t possibly meet it right now. [/quote]

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