Reply to How can I be a good mom when I hate my SIL?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]11:57 this is OP - and this thread is making me feel way more normal too. Thank goodness for DCUM. It breaks my heart to read your post though because what I wish more than anything is that my DH would stand up for me (without me having to prod him to) in the way you are describing. He has stepped in and said such things to SIL in the past, but only after huge fights between me and DH in which I basically told him to do so. So in a lot of ways I feel very alone in the situation because my ILs are too effed up to deal with SIL among themselves and when she does lash out at me DH won't stick up for me. There are so many good suggestions on this thread though, I am sure they will help next time I am in this situation with her. [/quote]

I'm glad this thread is providing some validation for you, OP. It can be really, really, REALLY hard for some one to break out of role/pattern that has been in place their entire life, even if rationally they know it's correct, and that's what it sounds like is happening with your DH.

Some time you should try to sit down with him (not immediately after a bad visit) and calmly discuss how difficult it is for you when he is not able to provide support when his SIL is attacking you (not when she's being annoying in general, because in the grand scheme of things--not a big deal--but when she is actively attacking you). Suggest that the two of you need to come up with some strategies for how to deal with these situations when they come up. Again, I'm talking about direct attacks on you, not just general bad behavior. I think that if he's not able to provide you with more support when these situation arise, it is reasonable for you to as a family to decide to see SIL less frequently.[/quote]

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