Reply to How can I be a good mom when I hate my SIL?

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "How can I be a good mom when I hate my SIL?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I don't think being a good parent depends on having a good relationship with ILs.  If it did, all of DCUM would be effed.  OP, if your household is like many others, women make the plans for their family.  You don't have to engage in a full out battle, just stop helping.  If your SIL calls you directly to make plans for something, either tell her you guys can't make it or tell her thanks for the invite, get the details *this part is key*, and then say you will check things out with the husband and call her back.  As long as you have gotten the details, you can plan your contact.  Once you have your plan, involve your husband and call her back.

For example, if she calls and says, the plan is we are all going to the 5pm children's mass, then dinner, then gift opening, and everyone is spending the night.  You have 2 choices.

#1:  Oh sorry, Amy, but our plans for Christmas Eve are already made. (Note:  DO NOT get into any discussion of dropping off gifts, etc.  Just say no thanks.  She may ask what your plans are DO NOT commit to anything specific.  "We are keeping things quieter this year."  "Our kids make things difficult for everyone when they are off schedule.")

#2:  Sounds wonderful, Amy.  I promised my mom we would do Christmas mass with her this year, so we will plan on heading to your place for the gift opening, but we will be leaving after.  We prefer to wake up at home for Christmas morning.

If she doesn't call you to make plans as a matter of course, think about the following...

As women, I think we were trained to be helpful and to make things happen.  So that's what we do...even if we don't whatever the thing is to happen.  Just stop helping.  Stop filling in the next step for people.  If your husband asks what are we doing with my family for the holidays or have you talked to my MIL/SIL about it.  Just look up from the dishwasher or your book and say, "No."  Go back to what you are doing.  Chances are your husband will shrug and walk away.  If he doesn't or if he presses, say, "Things were such a knee-walking disaster last year, I will wait to hear from them."  If your husband doesn't understand why you don't like his family say, "I haven't heard from anyone yet.  I am sure SIL/MIL will call soon.  If you are concerned about it, feel free to get things going."  Be pleasant and cheerful during this exchange -- it can't sound like "Eff you and your effing family.  I don't care if we never see those aholes."

I started doing this with my MIL several years ago.  I make the plans for what is important to me.  I leave it to my husband to make plans the rest of the time.  I am down to seeing her 3 or 4 times per year and she lives locally.  My husband makes his own plans to see her without me whenever he wants to and he takes our kids with us so nobody can say that I am keeping my children from her.  I am simply preserving my sanity.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics