Reply to PTAs: I don't want to donate money to facilitate adults socializing with their friends

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm very invested in the PTA as a way to support the school, the students, and the teachers. Money that goes to classrooms or enrichment events for students (and, if appropriate, their families) is great and I'm happy to donate to that. Community events that are linked to academics or social-emotional learning at the school, and focused on the kids, are great --we will participate and donate time and money for those.

PTA events that are primarily about adults socializing with one another away from the school should not be PTA events unless they are fundRAISING events. PTA money should not be spent on those activities.

If you want to socialize with other parents at the school, that's great, do so. But it shouldn't be PTA sponsored. No one should be donating money to a PTA to facilitate adults social events. Especially when these events have little to do with building community, and more to do with ensuring [b]people who are already friends[/b] can get free food or entertainment, paid for by the PTA, while they hang out.[/quote]

You sound jealous OP. They are already friends because they are working hard together volunteering for their kids’ school. Not because they are a clique and you weren’t invited. Give it a try and you might make some friends too. [/quote]

At the first elementary school PTA I volunteered for, I had the distinct impression there was a clique of old friends who were set in their ways and not incredibly welcoming of new faces. Then their kids graduated, the atmosphere changed, a bunch of new people came in who didn't know each other, and it became a warm and friendly place! I never attended the end of year happy hour, which is perhaps what OP is talking about, but I can tell you we worked hard for that school, and became friendly from working together, as PP explained. Most people in all the PTAs I've volunteered for are full-time working parents and don't have time to socialize or chit-chat too long. I have often been the only stay-at-home parent on the board.

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Honestly it sounds like you were friends with the new crew and not the old crew, since you were part of it. And I can guarantee you outsiders to your clique felt the same way you once did. They aren't stupid and can see that the group is "friendly" and they just naturally talk to each other not the new faces as much.[/quote]

This dynamic will always exist. Parents of the older kids who have been volunteering longer are all friends because of the time they have spent together. To newer parents, this could seem cliquey, especially if you are insecure and think that way. But they won’t bite and I have gotten close with folks like that many times. And then the parents moving up and volunteering over the years become closer, and this just keeps repeating itself. Just volunteer and be open to making friends. It’s not about you and they aren’t excluding you unless you’re being a jerk. I promise. [/quote]

Sometimes people are cliquey. I am a parent of an older child and have been volunteering consistently for five years. Most of the PTA clique people still don't know my name. Some of them have children in class with my eldest and they also don't seem to know this, which is wild to me.

Sometimes people suck.[/quote]

You’re giving these people a lot of power. Introduce yourself if you think they don’t know your name. I am terrible with faces and names, and always forget whose kid belongs to whom. This probably makes me a terrible school volunteer in some respects and I’m sure some people take this personally. It’s not about them. There’s nobody at the school I wouldn’t chat with. I’m just busy and bad at names but still want to give a lot of time and effort to their school. [/quote]

Lol I have introduced myself to these people many times. They don't care, they are not interested in meeting parents who are not part of their clique.

I have friends outside of my kid's school, to me it's not about making friends, but creating community at the school. I make a point of learning the names of the kids in my child's grade and, when I meet them, their parents. Of course it's not perfect and sometimes I forget, but I go out of my way to do it because I think it helps to create a caring environment for the kids when they see that the adults around them are invested in them as a group and not just in their individual kid.

If you make a point of talking to people at the school outside of your friend group, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about the cliquey parents who only interact with the parents/families they know, ignore other people, and don't make any effort to make the school a welcoming and open community.[/quote]

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