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[quote=Anonymous][quote]And although this is DCUM, some of you must live in beknighted states in which "adultery" includes relationships after a separation and has negative legal consequences during a divorce. Thankfully, that is not the case in DC, VA or MD. [/quote]

You are completely missing the point that if you want a non-contentious divorce that does not involve expensive and prolonged legal argument, then you should not sleep with other men while it is in progress.

[quote]I am trying to figure out if there is a way to still be friends with STBX. Our kids are grown but obviously we are going to have to see each other from time to time and with kids in common talk from time to time, because financial questions and health issues and so on will come up where it would be good for both parents to be able to talk. My own parents divorced but managed to maintain a warm and friendly relationship through their own remarriages. I am trying to figure out how to get there with STBX. [/quote]

You have done the [i]one single thing[/i] that practically ensures your STBX will always hate you and will not have a "warm and friendly relationship" with you in the future. You simply could not hold off for a few months until the divorce was final. Well done, good job!

[quote]I recognize it may not be possible, but that is why, while I want to set boundaries, I also don;t want to just completely excise him from my life. He is my kids' dad and a decent human most of the time. Messed up in some ways, sure, but we all are. That's what I'm struggling with: drawing the line in the right place, where there is respect for boundaries without complete inability to have normal conversations. I realize it may just be too soon.[/quote]

"It may not be possible" [i]primarily due to [b]your [/b]actions[/i].

He is a decent human most of the time. But you're not.

You, after completely trampling on the normal boundaries of a relationship: "how do I get him to respect houndaries and have normal conversations?"  :roll:  :roll:  :roll: You have no self-awareness at all.[/quote]

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