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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Wow, some of you are making a lot of erroneous assumptions. (Projection?) No, I did not start seeing new guy before I was separated. And no, STBX is not "paying the mortgage" on the house we legally own jointly: I've been supporting STBX for years (a major reason for the split) and my income pays the bills. And although this is DCUM, some of you must live in beknighted states in which "adultery" includes relationships after a separation and has negative legal consequences during a divorce. Thankfully, that is not the case in DC, VA or MD.

I am trying to figure out if there is a way to still be friends with STBX. Our kids are grown but obviously we are going to have to see each other from time to time and with kids in common talk from time to time, because financial questions and health issues and so on will come up where it would be good for both parents to be able to talk. My own parents divorced but managed to maintain a warm and friendly relationship through their own remarriages. I am trying to figure out how to get there with STBX.

I recognize it may not be possible, but that is why, while I want to set boundaries, I also don;t want to just completely excise him from my life. He is my kids' dad and a decent human most of the time. Messed up in some ways, sure, but we all are. That's what I'm struggling with: drawing the line in the right place, where there is respect for boundaries without complete inability to have normal conversations. I realize it may just be too soon.[/quote]

Girl, it’s been less than a year. There is no “being friends” at this point. It took about 3 years before xH and I could talk without it devolving into a mess, and another 2 years before we were friends again.

You need to go cold turkey. It’s the best thing for both of you, and when you’ve both healed and moved on, then you can work on friendship. But totally unrealistic to expect someone who is newly separated/divorced to squash down all of their emotions because you want to be friends. [/quote]

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