Reply to MIL insists on buying big gifts for kids, without checking if they need/want/already have it

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[quote=Anonymous]Do we share a MIL? I posted on this exact topic when my child was a few months old. Over the years I've learned to manage it. My husband hates conflict - and it turns out he can handle conflict with me better than conflict with his mother so guess who wimps out when it comes to drawing some lines? It sucks and is dysfunctional but I've learned where and how to draw the line.

First, just come to terms with accepting some things, and giving her some room to give big. You may (justly) question her motives, but just stop doing that for some things. Let her give a big ole' gift or two. If you object to everything, you're probably being a little bit of a bitch (even if she's being a much bigger bitch). Hard as it is, let some things go. That said, you absolutely have the right to draw the line wherever you need to draw it. And I know it isn't easy to do that.

My issue was that even if MIL knew - like absolutely KNEW - we already had something, she'd still buy a replacement. and I'd say "well, he already has a kitchen set, Sandy," and she'd say "but this one is plastic so it wipes clean! and it has lights and the food talks!" And DS was at the age where he's express an interest in playing with anything so he'd be like "see, he likes it better!" Enter DH saying nothing as I think, "if he doesn't speak up I'm going to scream!" and then just continuing to fume as he doesn't speak up.

So I just started saying no myself. For me, I'd say "Please take it easy on the battery operated stuff. DS loves to make the noises himself anyway." No matter how gentle you are with what you say, MIL will probably be offended, because yeah, you're kind of micromanaging her gifts. But we live 2k miles from MIL and I STILL pull the "this is living at your house" card as needed.

I will say one major benefit is that as I stand up to DH's mom (kindly as possible, of course) he's kind of starting to realize it can be done, and has actually weighed in independently of me forcing him to, when a gift gets given that we object to. Again, we try not to be dicks about it. But it still comes up. And DH is now like "nah, we're not really into toy guns / trampolines / letc. sorry"

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