Reply to What do you do when you don’t like your DC boyfriend/girlfriend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]At that age, say nothing. It will almost certainly fizzle. I’ve lost track of how many people my teen has shown an interest in. Most last only a few weeks. The longest was a few months. You can try to make it harder for them to spend time together by keeping them busy but if you only run interference in those situations they may suspect what you’re doing.  At an older age (college +) it’s more concerning but you still have to be careful not to show your cards. [/quote]

Honestly, this comment is one of the things wrong with parenting today.  No matter how old your child is (14, but also 35), if you see real red flags, why the hell would you not start a conversation with your child about what you notice?  There is NO age where actual red flags are something you'd just notice but stay silent about because you think it's sure to fizzle soon.

OP you didn't say what "red flags" you notice, so if your version of red flags are things or behaviors many others see as normal teen behavior and not problematic, that's a different situation.  But to hear you say you notice red flags and are concerned and others say "Don't say anything, just make it harder for them to spend time together"... this avoidant, conflict-averse behavior is hugely problematic.

Don't freak out, but do start a conversation with your teen, ask how things are going with the new BF, what they like about him. Ask if there's anything they don't like.  And if it doesn't ocme up that way, say "I noticed.....  and honestly that concerned me a bit.  What are your thoughts on when he does that/is like that?"  And truly listen to what they say an dhow they see it.  And then see if anything changes or what happens next and take it from there.

But noticing red flags about someone your DD or DS is dating and not saying anything is problematic in and of itself.  Unless you see everything as a crisis, that would be different, but the fact that you've been fine with the other 2 or 3 people your child has been interested in sounds like you're not an unnecessary alarmist.  Talk to your child.[/quote]

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