Reply to Any big law moms with 3 kids (or more)?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm shocked by these posts, but in a good way.  I was not treated well when I announced only one pregnancy at my firm.  I went back recently and it's obvious that they want me out.  The attitude seems to be that I got a paid vacation and that it's "not fair" in general and to other associates who have not had the same time off.  Has no one else had this experience?[/quote]

Part of the problem may be the very generous maternity benefits that law firms give.  My firm gives six months paid leave.  It was great for me and I took every day I was entitled to, as does every woman at my firm.  However, I am not blind to the fact that with two kids, I got a year of paid leave that others didn't get, including all the men at my firm with two kids. Couple that with the fact that many, many women at my firm take the six months paid and then don't come back to work and you have a recipe for some well-deserved resentment.

I think that the woman can diffuse some of this by being a team player while on maternity leave (checking blackberry and responding to e-mails when it is helpful, etc.) and being a real team player when she returns.  That is what I did and I have an associate who had a baby last year and has transited back seamlessly. The ones who have met resistance are the ones who come back and make extra demands about their schedule, don't seem like a team player, don't seem like they are committed to their practice long term.  I would also point out that myself and my associate who came back without a problem both have nannies and husbands with government jobs with very predictable 40 hr/ week schedules, so childcare headaches are largely not ours to handle. This flexibility is true of most of the wives of the men at my firm with kids as well and I don't think it is fair when big law women don't realize that their families have to make the same tradeoffs and compromises that men in big law make.  Either hire an army of help or have one parent take the lead at home by staying at home or having a less demanding job. [/quote]

The point I was trying to make in the previous post is that people are angry about the leave itself.  I'm surprised to see that people are returning to little to no resentment from colleagues about their leave period, when this has not been my experience.  Just so you know, my career aspirations have not changed, nor has my schedule, but it is clear that people are annoyed about my "paid vacation."[/quote]

My experience has been that the people who are team players, who are appreciative of the fact that their colleagues did extra work to cover for their leave, and, most importantly, had a track record of covering for others when they had family commitments or childcare challenges both before and after their own leaves, do not face any resentment.  But, the people who aren't team players, who do not express an understanding that their leave is an inconvenience to others, even if it is unavoidable, who don't cover for others, and who engage in a lot of boundary drawing about what they will and will not do in terms of work face a significant amount of resentment.  If you are getting a negative reaction from your co-workers, perhaps you need to examine your own behavior and make sure that you are treating others as you would like to be treated. [/quote]

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