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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm sorry for your loss. But I would not date this man. Why did he need your help to have a proper relationship with his ex? Why couldn't he do that on his own? It sounds like you had to basically parent him into it.

As for his daughter, you definitely are competition for his attention, and it's foolish to pretend you aren't. "Blended" families require a clear-eyed assessment of the many different people involved, their interests, and what is at stake for them. Don't fool yourself about this. [/quote]

He did establish a more cordial relationship with the ex-wife, but I feel that I helped make this transition even a bit easier and she seems friendly towards me.  I am not foolish or pretending that I do not notice that this is not easy for his daughter.  I am asking for advice on how to make this easier.  His daughter is very friendly towards me and we even hung out together and went shopping.  But I know that she is very close to her father and I definitely do not want to overlook anything.  We have been together for almost three years and it has been a really good relationship for both of us.  [/quote]

Well, I don't think you're going to be willing or able to actually do the things that would make it easier for her. Honestly, stepfamily and stepsiblings are not always a good deal for adult children of divorce. Maybe your marriage will benefit his daughter in the long run, if you take care of him when he's old and you don't divorce. But it might not turn out that way. And there's no way you can credibly promise to do that-- it's basically a promise to stay married outlive him. And if she's still pretty young she might not even be thinking about that as a benefit you bring.

You need to open your eyes here. It's not just that it's hard for her emotionally! You say you are not in competition with her, but you 1000% are, and she knows it.  You're proposing to consume a tremendous amount of his time and energy. You'll be wanting him to spend time with your extended family, and to play grandpa to your son's children if there are any. All that cuts into the time he has available for her and her future children. She won't be able to visit her father, ever, without potentially dealing with you and maybe your son and maybe your extended family too. Except when you so benevolently encourage 1:1 time so she gets what little you're willing to give her. And remember, she might not like you and your son as much as she's letting you think. (Wow, you went shopping one time in three years, that does not prove you are besties).

And if you're really not in competition, then you're going to have a prenup so that her potential inheritance stays exactly the same as it is now, right? Because if you don't, then the day you marry, her potential inheritance decreases dramatically-- maybe to zero. If you're really not in competition and she has nothing to lose here, put your money where your mouth is.

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Interesting...  what makes you think that HE is the one with the $$$? 
[/quote]

I'm not assuming that, but I am saying her potential inheritance, whatever it might be, decreases dramatically.[/quote]

What if I am the one with the assets?  What would your advice be?  [/quote]

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