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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are describing my kid exactly. She's a year older but exact same personality and issues.

People have already recommended a lot of the resources we've used -- Dan Shapiro and Child-Parent Journey was helpful (though the session I attended felt it was a bit more geared toward kids with existing diagnoses or more obvious difficulties, rather than kids like ours who don't really have specific challenges but clearly need to be parented in a different way), Dr. Becky, the Highly Sensitive Child.

I also recommend The Explosive Child, especially if you are dealing with these tantrums at home. I think it's perfect for kids whose meltdowns are linked to sensory issues because his recommended approach is premised on empowering kids to find solutions to issues through logic and negotiation, and this is an essential skill for a sensitive kid who is highly reactive to things that don't bother most people.

We have not done a neuropsych exam because we've just treated the symptoms as they've arisen, which carry their own diagnoses. For our kid it's ARFID (extreme food aversions, driven by the sensitivity to smells, textures, etc.) and anxiety (also driven by the heightened sensitivity to stimuli). We also changed elementary schools in the hopes that a calmer school environment will allow her to cultivate true self-regulation skills instead of what she was doing before, which was white-knuckling her way through the day with a lot of effort ("masking") and then totally losing it at home and on weekends (this is called restraint collapse syndrome and is common in PK and K kids experiencing school for the first time, but for my kid lasted into middle elementary).

We may still get an eval, I do always wonder if an autism or OCD diagnosis would help or not. I do wish there was a clearer playbook for handling the sensory issues in kids who don't have accompanying academic or school behavioral issues (and people don't view a kid who falls apart at home as a problem, for some reason). But we're in a wait and see mode because we continue to see improvement with what we're doing so far.[/quote]

If it’s only happening at home it can usually be mitigated through parent training. It’s not restraint collapse, it’s lack of structure, routine, consistency. [/quote]

Sometimes it is restraint collapse though. You can have structure, routine, and consistency at home, but if expectations for a child at school require them to exert extra effort to follow rules and meet social expectations, they can still have restraint collapse upon leaving that environment and getting home. Even if the home has good structure and consistency.

Especially common this time of year as a new school year will have new rules, expectations, and social dynamics and some kids will struggle internally to adjust to these while externally masking. But that takes enormous effort.[/quote]

Should also have added that sometimes the problem is lack of structure and consistency at school. Kids will work extra hard to navigate that but it's stressful, and when they get home to a place where the rules are clear and make sense, they feel comfortable falling apart because they know what to expect and don't risk embarrassment or being punished or made fun of for expressing frustration or anxiety. [/quote]

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