Reply to Family Addiction Dynamics: Abandonment, Enabling, Harm

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[quote=Anonymous]I am in a related but similar situation. Thoughts:

I’d love to hear from others who’ve lived through something like this:
• How did you cope with enabling grandparents/relatives who know the truth but look the other way?

I don't interact much with the relatives on spouse's side who can't see the truth. It might help that before things went really south we had a "you handle contact with your side of the family and I handle contact with mine policy." Addict didn't really set up much contact because of how all-consuming the addiction became, so kids had little already. They miss it, but not in a it-suddenly-disappeared way. So occasional FaceTime feels normal, and that's what we do. I don't appear on screen or talk.

• What did the short-term fallout look like for your kids?

Still determining this one.

• In the long run, did family relationships heal, or did you cut ties?

I think there's a place between cutting ties and healing that we are aiming for. But I also think my ILs might be somewhat healthier, in that even if they can't see the full truth they won't drag my kids into it. So I can trust them to have light hearted conversations about my kids' lives and leave it at that. It doesn't sound like your ILs are healthy enough for a FaceTime that you dial and then let them chat about light hearted things. If they are...that might be good.

• What helped you build stability and resilience for your children when relatives wouldn’t step up?

For us it's:

- school community
- sports community
- church community
- my family

Even if you don't have your own family, you can still find some of the other bits.[/quote]

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