Reply to I have no desire to be around my toxic resentful son

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He sounds like he has a diagnosable personality disorder, and if he blames you for stuff, understand that nothing you do to "show him love", like some misguided PPs have suggested, will persuade him that you are a worthy person. So you don't even have to try. What you need to do is stay neutral and distance yourself during these moods. If they strike without warning, you are justified in never letting him inside your home. Change your locks, make sure the outside doors and garage doors are always locked. Do not invite him in. Meet in cafes/restaurants/etc and if he starts a tantrum, leave in full view of everyone. If ever he becomes very aggressive, perhaps calling 911 and asking for an involuntary hold will get him an evaluation, but I doubt it. The system is not set up to help psychiatric patients and their families.

I'm really sorry, OP, especially as your husband was the same way. You deserve trustworthy relationships in your life. Do you have other children, relatives and friends who fill that space?[/quote]

Mentally ill people need love and family just like everybody else -- maybe even more. She doesn't need to show him she's worthy or anything else. If she's the one who's mentally healthy, she should be able to distance herself from his judgement of her and still be his parent.[/quote]

I agree it's some sort of disorder but what, I don't know.
[b]Willingly being around this type of person is enabling and normalizing the behaviour.[/b]

I see it with my own sibling and mother.  Sibling is late 50s, living part-time with mother. Sibling lost marriage and kids. Deeply unpleasant person to be around (so is mother). I strongly suspect a form of undiagnosed ASD.
[/quote]

People aren't mentally ill on purpose. Like they can't say, "This isn't working so I'm just going to stop." Not being around them isn't going to help them -- it's only going to hurt them even more than being mentally ill. Show some compassion and be grateful it's not you who is suffering with it.[/quote]

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