Reply to Caring or supporting for an elderly parent with a rotten personality

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP,

I don't mean this in a nasty way at all, but you do realize you're enabling your parents' refusal to hire help, by going to their house and helping?

I understand you'd want to do that for parents you like and respect.

But I do not understand your motivation to do this after the screed you wrote. Were you raised to be very obedient and respect all elders despite their cantankerousness? That's very virtuous, but at some point your health, physical and mental, is going to deteriorate with the constant comings and goings, and you might regret not having put your foot down earlier, and forced them into hiring someone by refusing to do that work yourself.

[b]I know it's a game of chicken, of course. They might suffer and fall and be in pain and risk their lives before they ever agree to hire someone. Or they might prefer to just die on the floor before letting a stranger into their home. Some people are like that. But considering the history you just described... that's a risk you might be willing to take.[/b]
[/quote]

Jesus Christ. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.[/quote]

You've posted several times on this thread, but you're convincing no one with your faux outrage. Adult children are under no moral obligation to help parents who were abusive and unpleasant. You reap what you sow. 
[/quote]

Sure. You are who you are. There is no parallel plane where you get to be your best self, because you are around other people who are also their best selves. This is it. If you are willing to let your parent lie on the floor in pain or even die alone on the floor because they were abusive to you then THAT'S WHO YOU ARE. It's not because of your parents -- it's because of you yourself.

Being a good person is hard. There is no perfect environment for you to do it. Just this one, this flawed, f'd up world. Others may be abused AND help their parents because that's who THEY are.

Be who you want to be in this life. Do you want to be the person who was fine letting their parent die alone on the floor? Because "mommy and daddy"? Then that's who you are.

I was abused growing up -- physically, psychologically and emotionally. Brutal. I care for my parent now because that's who I am. My behavior is not dependent on them. I'm an adult now. It's my choice.[/quote]

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