Reply to Helping judgmental grandparents understand that the college landscape has changed

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP I have to wonder if you yourself are disappointed or defensive about your kid’s college prospects and for that reason are doing a little projecting here.  [/quote]

??? Go away, troll.[/quote]

It doesn’t make me a troll.  If your parents were smart enough to have produced a tippy top college student they’re smart enough to have the changed landscape explained to them.

In your case, it’s more than that.  It’s not just the changed landscape.  It sounds like even under the prior landscape your kid wouldn’t have been Ivy material.   Am I right?   You made a point of saying that that’s how you raised him.  So who are you trying to convince?  [/quote]

OP back. Thank you so much everyone for the comments and suggestions! I am reading them all and please please keep them coming. They are truly helpful.

The above pp is right in a sense about their point that I didn't raise my kid to be "Ivy material," but not right that I am defensive or unhappy about this. I have no idea, truly, how DD would have fared under the 1990s system. Like many folks, I can't imagine I'd have been admitted today to the places I got in then. I was a pretty typical upper-middle class kid with a lot of privilege and opportunities. I also grew up in a very high-pressure home where I was expected to perform and was afraid to be open with my parents if I didn't ace a test. DH and I knew we didn't want that environment for our kids. And of course our kids are who they are, they have the interests they have, and my goal is to support them in who they are and not try to mold them into someone else.

My parents are familiar with the fact that admissions stats have changed, but argue that that doesn't mean a whole lot because the admissions stats are low since students apply to so many more schools. I admit I haven't dug into the data myself though I assume there are also a lot more students applying to college now than 30 years ago. I guess I could gather more statistics on this though admit I'm a bit crabby to even spend time on this! But maybe it's worthwhile, I don't know.

I do think I need to really hold them at bay because as a pp warned, they could significantly ramp up the stress. I'm still struggling with exactly what to say and what to share and not share. It feels different than keeping out friends or more distant family. There I would find it easier to simply say, "This is a stressful time for DD but we'd love to share with you once she knows where she's going!" My parents will be outraged if I say something like that to them, but maybe I just need to suck it up and be a grownup here, and deal with it.[/quote]

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