Reply to If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

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Reply to "If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. We have a 4yo and a 4 mo.  Before #2 came along, #1 was mommy this mommy that, I want mommy.  Pretty typical I guess. Naturally, mommy had the bulk of the child care activities.  Since #2 came along, I've taken over the care of #1 (yes, it's wayyyy easier than a newborn, i know).  #2 also seems to be consoled by mommy only so guess who gets all the carrying duties? Mommy of course.  I get that she's tired.  I don't really know what else to do.

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All I ca tell you, as an exhausted wife who misses her sex life and feels rejected by her husband (while he is busy moping over the lack of sex himself) is that you have to find the right times to initiate. Make an effort to give her a break, to give her adult time that isn't all about the family. I feel like I've lost myself since I'm on family duty ALL the time--and that makes it really hard for me to feel sexy and confident which is what drives me to initiate sex. Hire a babysitter and go out--not with the expectation of sex, just to maintain a connection that is outside of your kids. Go to bed at the same time as her--I can guarantee sex isn't happening when my husband stays up 2 hours later than me and sleeps in on weekend mornings.

This stuff all sounds kind of obvious, but I can tell you it's what I wish my husband had done, and what I wish I had realized I needed earlier. We've hit a really low point in our marriage that I'm not sure we're going to survive because of this kind of disconnect. Sex is just one aspect of it, but it's a really clear symptom of that larger divide. [/quote]

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