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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]Frankly I think everyone could use some 12 step work.  [/b]My ex is not in any program, walking around out there with no tools for living. Initially presents as a calm, reasonable, thoughtful person. I think it all comes down to how much you know about yourself, and what you value in another person. There are people with long term sobriety who don't have great sobriety. There are people with far less time who have done and continue to do a lot of work. I guess I'm saying any relationship is a gamble. I would steer clear of someone who has a history of relapsing but otherwise, sure. If you didn't know he was an addict would you know he was an addict?[/quote]

Agreed. I'd date a recovered addict over a person who claimed they had no addictions. I wouldn't date someone new to recovery[b]; there's a reason it's suggested people not date or start new relationships in the first year,[/b] but someone with several years clean? Sure. [/quote]

This. My sister was an addict and is now a social worker and addiction's counselor. She put in an unbelievable amount of work and self-reflection to learn how to live fully as a sober person and not just a sober addict. My cousin got sober but did not put in the work, and he's still the same selfish, unreliable addict he ever was, just without the alcohol (probably, who really knows?). Someone who's been sober from substance abuse for a number of years and has been actively working on their sobriety for all of those years would be okay in my book, but someone newly sober needs to be on their own to do the hard internal work to overcome those addictive thought processes and is just not at a place in their lives for a new relationship. And a sex addiction would make me really nervous, particularly if the sex addiction came after the substance abuse or was a recent active addiction. I'm not saying never, just that I would be very, very careful with an addiction like that.[/quote]

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