Reply to There's no point in asking your partner to change

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Reply to "There's no point in asking your partner to change"

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[quote=Anonymous]I think people can grow and change if they are internally motivated.

People also create destructive narratives about their partner, maybe when preparing to leave a relationship.  I've been with a partner who hated me, and near the end of the relationship, everything I did or didn't do fed into this narrative they had about me that wasn't true, but it was what they wanted to believe, perhaps to allow themselves to leave me.  The way they described me was (i) very critical and negative, and (ii) false.  I know this because outside of those very heavy relationships, I was a light, happy person with self-esteem who laughed with friends and enjoyed sex.   In it, I was the cause of everything wrong with his life.  It got to the point where I felt I couldn't turn things around, and I mentally couldn't carry the weight of remaining in the relationship any longer.  So, that is a long way of saying that sometimes the things you hate about someone aren't real, they are the reasons your mind created to justify something you want that isn't them. [/quote]

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