Reply to Advice for being in the passenger seat of DH and FIL dysfunction?

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[quote=Anonymous]My DH has been dealing with this with his mother his entire life. It’s gotten worse in recent years. The best advice I can give is to be supportive of your DH. What that looks like differs from person to person. For my DH, it means being “on his side.” I tell him when I think he’s off base but I don’t try to share a different perspective on the situation with him (ie, “maybe she meant X”). I also tell him I’ll support whatever decision he makes about how to handle a situation, what to do etc. I tell him I can’t provide much guidance because I’ve never been in that situation with my own mother, and he knows their relationship best, but I’ll support whatever decision he makes. Validating the dysfunction is also helpful. DH grew up being gaslit over how wonderful his mother is when behind the scenes, she’s done some awful things. I think he really appreciates a simple “I’m sorry you had to deal with that/that must’ve been really hard as a kid. You deserved to have a better mother.” Or “I can’t believe she just said that to you.” [/quote]

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