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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On paper, I look like a “wholesome girl next door” type. I’m 24 years old but look 19 (as is common for East Asians like myself), 5’6” and 130 pounds, and look relatively conventional; I have no tattoos or piercings, and my wardrobe is pretty standard (lots of Zara/H&M/Uniqlo/Madewell/Abercrombie/Athleta).

I think a lot of guys who match with me on dating apps are expecting a “wholesome Asian girl” when they meet me. But that’s the total opposite of my personality — I can be pretty unhinged and weird (in both good and bad ways). I am very, very funny, and I think that turns guys off when they’re expecting a docile little Asian girl. I can be sarcastic and generally run with an “alternative, edgy” crowd; I’m the only one in my friend group with no tattoos or piercings (besides my ears), which is extremely rare in the city I live in (not DC).

I’ve had some serious issues in the past; I dropped out of an HYPS school after my freshman year due to drug issues and severe mental health problems and spent a year in rehab while working random jobs. I ended up spending my last three years of college at an all-women’s liberal arts college. While this was beneficial for me in many ways, I was one of the (few) straight women there, so I graduated college last year very underdeveloped in the dating realm. I currently work as a music journalist, which is also a job that doesn’t put me in contact with a lot of straight men. I also find that disclosing my dark past surprises a lot of guys since they would never expect someone who looks like me to struggle with a drug habit.

The guys who try to pursue me (mostly on dating apps but also in real life) can be generally categorized into two types:

1. Guys who are attracted to my first impression as a “wholesome Asian girl.” These are white/Asian guys who usually work as engineers (sometimes also in finance or med school) who want a stereotypical quiet Asian girl (which I seem like at first). When they really get to know me, they’re turned off by my crazy past, sense of humor, and my generally edgy and non conforming friend group. I also find that generally these men are not good at respecting boundaries, especially when I break out of their expectations of me.

2. Guys who are docile and passive and want a similar partner. My last boyfriend fell into this category; I dated him for a little less than a year, and it worked out fairly poorly since he was unable to put up any boundaries and also had a much lower libido than me. He was genuinely shocked when I asked to have sex with him two months into seeing him. I understand that this is rare for men but for some reason, these guys are disproportionately attracted to me.

Anyways… is there anything I can do to try to attract the type of guy I want? I think sometimes it would be easier to date if I looked like my friends — lots of tattoos and piercings, “alternative” wardrobe…. But I don’t really have the money or desire for any of that right now, so here we are. And before someone else comments — I’d rather be single than be with someone who doesn’t appreciate me for who I am, dark past and sarcastic personality and all. [/quote]

Date black men. [/quote]

Second this.  As an Asian, your children will already have a more difficult time getting into college no matter how hard they try.  Marrying white doesn't help much unless rich.  Black children on the other hand stand a much better chance.[/quote]

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