Reply to If you had an affair that lasted longer than a year, tell me about it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]H did it for 18 months, his garbage therapist commended him for his compartmentalization skills. [/b]
I knew it most of the time it was going on, the children noticed his personality shift. Likely  because of the stress of living many lies he couldn’t withstand the slightest inconvenience without having an existential meltdown and tantrum. 
Just be honest and leave [/quote]

Same with the enabling therapist!  [/quote]
I don’t think it’s fair to assume we know the entire context of that therapist’s comment. I immediately thought s/he was introducing some levity to the situation when he was describing his state of mind during the affair. Or even just a neutral comment because it was probably true. [/quote]

The whole time I was suggesting marriage improvement clinics, intimacy building board games, sending him podcasts about improving relationships and he was madly in love with someone else. 
His therapist told him that my wanting to work on the marriage put pressure on him to build up walls and compartmentalize his life with her and with me. His fragile psyche had to split in two because of the perceived pressure I was putting on him to improve our relationship when really all he wanted me to do was to take care of the kids, cook dinner and leave him alone to play on his phone with his girlfriend for hours in the bathroom.

He lacks any sort of grit and capacity for accountability, his therapist was an enabler and did nothing but help him formulate excuses for amoral behavior by cloaking them in psychology terms. He would come home from therapy and couldn’t wait to rattle off these sentences that sounded just like Instagram memes.[/quote]
And what did you learn about yourself that doesn’t paint you as the martyred victim?[/quote]

The only reason lying isn't a crime is who makes the laws. Being completely lied to and manipulated by a loved one makes you a victim of their cruelty. If you don't get that, well, we know what kind of person you are.[/quote]

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