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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s taken me a long time to realize that every kid has their struggles.  My second kid is probably like the one you are describing with your friend and we have had to work extra hard to give her attention because as you know, our other first born has been so so so time consuming.   She was easy but now as a teen she sometimes explodes with anger at us and has a therapist.  Living with a sibling who had/has a lot of needs has not been easy.

And for her, the stress of getting the right roommate at the specialty sports sleep away camp is real.  Who am I to say it’s not? Same with the stress of the A vs her A- in honors or getting a spot in the ultra competitive EC.

It’s taken me a long time and my two very different kids to appreciate the struggles of other parents.  I’ll never really understand what they are going through and they will never understand me.  It’s not a competition and if I like them as people, I keep them in my life as long as they don’t judge me.

For your friend, I’d listen and probably just say things like “wow, that sounds stressful!” And then next time follow up with a question asking if Jane liked camp and got her roommate or whatever.  [/quote]

No, I’m sorry. Going on at length about an A- or not getting a spot in the “ultra competitive EC” is just bad values and I wouldn’t really want to be around that person regardless of whether I had a kid with SN or not. Even if the kid views these things as huge failures, a parent should not be reinforcing that. 
[/quote]

Maybe I explained myself wrong. I’m not calling up people and complaining that DC2 didn’t get an A in AP basketweaving and the world is ending.

True friends will listen. My DC2 and the stress she feels when she trains for an entire year and doesn’t make the team is real. The heartbreak is real.  I’d be a bad parent to say to suck it up, you can play rec, your sibling can’t play any sport.

My kid with SN gets a ton of our attention. It doesn’t mean our other kid doesn’t have real feelings.  That’s all I’m saying. Friendships are a give and take too.

When people become too much, it’s okay to take a break and step back too.  [/quote]

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