Reply to MIL refers to my son as "her baby," won't leave us alone

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
OP this is good advice. My MIL was INSANE at first when DC was born (first grandchild). She was so crazy, I had nightmares about her actually STEALING my baby. But I have been really strict about boundaries -- some say I cut my nose off to spite my face, but I do not allow my DC to go to MIL's house without me there, I only let her see DC once a week and I make sure it's structured and that I am in control. It sucks b/c my MIL is so insane that I can't leave my DC alone with her for a variety of reasons -- her physical condition, her mental condition and also just that she is the kind of woman who you give an inch and she takes a mile. So the more time I let her have with DC, the more overbearing and intrusive she becomes. She also does not abide by my parental "rules" and does the opposite of what I instruct or ask her to do. She does weird things like tries to give DC raw meat and coffee and DC is only 1.5 years old![/quote]

Oh, I have a friend whose very own mother is this way.  She actually is certifiably nuts.  As in narcissistic personality disorder.  She'd do the kinds of things you described, and worse.  Luckily, my friend had her act together, as did her siblings, and they all set very clear boundaries with her.  Never alone time with the grandkids, as soon as something started to go awry everyone left.  She'd do things like call her own daughter a whore in front of the grandkids, scream and holler, so they learned to depart at the first sign of a downhill slide (goodbye, everyone, we're leaving!  Say goodbye to grandma!).  When she visited from afar, she was not allowed to stay with them: only in hotels.  I mean, they were pretty strict.  Grandmother chafed, but she had no recourse.  If she wanted to see the grandkids, thems were the rules.   Crazy.  I was impressed that my friend still maintained any contact at all with the mum.  But as she pointed out, her mum is mentally ill, she's doing the best she knows how, and they managed to contain the crazy so that her evil ways had minimal impact on them.  Also the inlaw-children didn't have to do much: the children took responsibility for opening and closing doors.

Of course, this was an extreme situation![/quote]

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