Reply to Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?

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Reply to "Hi, it's me, vacation wife. STBXH got a DUI mid-divorce- now what?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you all remember, I kicked him out Oct 30th after finding him talking excessively to his HS girlfriend and deleting all evidence (375+ texts per week). He got a place 3 blocks away, we got the kids right in therapy (he's actually been spearheading that). We have been doing 2-2-5-5 custody which has been going well. The kids have really been doing ok- no major issues on any front- emotional, behavioral, etc. We have been getting the divorce agreement together with a mediator. All was well.

Two weeks ago he was taking the kids to his parents house for a long weekend which is routine. On the way there I texted him "Hope you guys have a fun weekend, be safe!" He called me and started FREAKING OUT- stuttering, half-yelling (we never raise our voices) saying I got what I wanted and he's turning around and taking the kids home and they'll miss their fun weekend. The kids were in the back crying daddy why aren't we going to see our cousins. I almost just typed it was so out of character, but ugh guess idk the true character? Anyway, he took them back to his place, texted me and apologized for the outburst and said he has a ton of pressure at work and he was like to pick ups and the kids were crabby and it was best to turn around anyway. He spent the rest of the weekend sending me pic updates of them baking, at the pool, etc.

Then last week, I went to check my mail box and it was OVERFLOWING. 40+ letters from law firms in the smaller city where his parents live. I obviously knew there was something going on to trigger this so I opened one and they were soliciting to represent him for his recent DUI that I knew nothing about.

I called him and asked if he wanted to tell me why 40 lawyers in Small City, Random State want to send him letters. He said he had no idea. I said looks like they want to represent you for a DUI did you get one? Nope. Ok well you have obliterated my entire life already so before I go searching public records, which is how law firms like this find their targets, here is one last chance. Do you want to tell me? Ok I got a DUI 2 weeks ago. His story was that his parents were traveling and he went to pet sit for them (true), he golfed alone all day and had some beers and got pulled over driving home. He showed up at my house 30 mins later a complete mess (kids were sleeping) sobbing hyperventilating, saying he doesn't know who he is anymore, he doesn't know what's happening, he has no one, blah blah blah. He sobbed on my patio for 45 mins. I conveyed my anger and disgust in my own stern way (not yelling, but he knew I was PISSED) and did remind him that I'm always a few blocks away, we will always have to be a team in some capacity and when the kids dad is healthy that is good for everyone, told him I love my kids exponentially more than I hate him and will always act accordingly.

Then yesterday two more letters arrive- one from our state and another from the labs of DUI state. Turns out his bloodwork came back at a .24 (!!!!!) which pushes it up to a higher level DUI charge and he is also being charged in our state as well. Today, there were a bunch of letters in my mailbox from companies that install interlock. It is unclear if his liscense will be fully revoked or if he will be able to drive with interlock installed.

Now what? I'm obviously going to move from mediation to a lawyer. If he gets his license revoked, how TF can I share custody? I'm certainly not going to expect my kids to rot in a small apartment for half their lives. I know I'll get legal advice, but what can go into formal divorce paperwork vs parenting plan surrounding drinking? Is this worth keeping the kids from him? I have zero complaints on his parenting til now all things considered.

I cannot afford to buy him out of the house at market rate so our plan was to keep owning the house jointly at least until the daycare payment years are behind us and then re-evaluate if that freed up enough monthly income for me to buy it. Now I feel unsafe having the home I live in remaining a joint asset. Theoretically, can I ask him to sell it to be for $1 and I just assume the higher mortgage rate on the remaining balance we still owe?

I called his brother, told him everything, and we talked for over an hour last night and he was very supportive of me. Ex called his parents and told them. I'm assuming he'll be forced to take some alcohol classes or join AA.

All I want is peace  :cry:  :cry:  :cry:

Thanks for reading, I know that was long.[/quote]

Sounds like you need to call off the divorce, and each of you work on yourselves and get yourselves together. You both sound like a mess, and for what reason really? Fix your marriage/relationship and enjoy your kids.

Divorce is usually never the correct answer to transient problems. Fix yourselves. [/quote]
WTF are you prattling about? Do you lack self-esteem? OP does not need to fix anything or take back a cheating drunk. [/quote]

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