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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think women of that era (especially if they didn’t work) look at our lives and think we’re crazy. They didn’t do travel sports, didn’t know couples who both had good careers, didn’t work late, didn’t drive kids to a million things. [/quote]

I do think it's generational, but I don't think it's just this. My mom had four kids and I just have one -- I don't think she looks at my life and thinks it looks crazy, even though I work and she doesn't.

Rather, I think part of it is that my mom didn't feel like she had a lot of choice in the life she led -- marriage, becoming a mom, having more kids. All of that stuff was socially pushed on her and felt like an obligation she had to fulfill. I don't think she ever seriously felt like just graduating college, getting a job, waiting to marry, having kids when or if she wanted, and having the number of kids she actually wanted, were options for her.

I think it's hard for her to look at me and the fact that I've exercised a lot of agency over my choices, and affirmatively rejected things like early marriage and motherhood, or having a whole house full of kids, in favor of a life that suits me better. I think sometimes she's negative because she has regrets, and wants to feel better about the life she didn't leave. Like "it's still just awful, right? Your kid is loud and annoying and never leaves you alone? Getting dinner on the table every night is a huge chore? Your husband doesn't help enough, right?" I get it. It sucks that my mom just did not have these choices and wound up leading a life that was basically forced on her. She had very conservative Catholic parents, lost her mom when she was young, had to drop out of college due to lack of funds, and got pushed into marriage at 19 because she got pregnant. It sucks.

But I do sometimes have to keep her at arms length because while I empathize with all of that, I can't help validate her life by putting my own life down. She was depressed through most of my childhood and there was a lot of violence and yelling in my home growing up. I had to go to therapy and work on myself just to get to a place where I felt I could have kids at all. I have to protect my own happiness and the well being of my family, which sometimes means taking space from her and her negativity. It's hard.[/quote]

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