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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Balance tough love -- reasonable limits clearly stated and enforced firmly, but without lecturing or personal attacks -- with letting them know that you believe in them.  Get to know their culture and their friends -- not by snooping, but through genuine interest.  Ask their opinions about things -- politics, books, movies, school policies, etc.  Respect them, but expect them to respect you as well.  When things get tough, walk away for a while and find your own means of escape -- running, yoga, funny movies. [/quote]

[b]My children are in college.  Snooping is needed.  Otherwise you are not going to know the real life of your kids.  Nor their friends[/b].[/quote]

I have come to terms with the fact that with each passing year, I will know less and less about the daily actions and internal thoughts of my child. It's a natural progression. Of course I love them and care about them, but agree with other posters who have stressed the need for mutual respect, and for me one way I show respect is to grant my kids an increasing degree of privacy.
I'm not naive. I understand that kids can get themselves into bad situations. If in the course of normal observation I suspect that my child might be in trouble (alcohol, drugs, unsafe sex) I will then explore intervention. But my "default" position is not going to be the "snooping" you think is "needed". [/quote]

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