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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents adopted my sister at age 7 in the 70's. She had been neglected - her drug addicted mother left her home alone at age 4 to babysit 2 younger brothers ages 1&2. All three were with a foster family from age 4-7, then the family adopted the youngest boy and said they couldn't take my sister and the older boy.

She was "fine" until about age 12, which is also when my parents divorced. She never was able to trust and truly bond with anyone and basically did not have a conscience. She was a nightmare until age 15 - lying, stealing and very violent. I was a commuter college student and would hide the kitchen knives every night. Sometimes I came home and she had my mom pinned to the ground and wouldn't let her go.

My (divorced) parents sued the state adoption agency and won in court. The state had neuro testing done that showed issues but they never informed my parents. So they wasted 5 years not getting treatment.

The state was ordered to pay $30K per year for a special residential school (this was in early 80's). She was there for 3 years and they did "fix" her.

She married at 19 and they are still married. She became a vet tech and has been a socially responsible person.

Several other families in my parents local adoptive group also adopted older kids. Everyone dealt with the same issues. One kid tried to burn down their house, another tried to stab the mother. My sister's 2 brothers have been in prison for decades for drugs and other crimes.

I believe the term now is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD). Oprah did a show on these types of kids decades ago that I saw and I said - that's my sister!

Regular counseling is not going to help. You need to find local professionals who can steer you into solutions for RAD. It's probably going to involve institutional care. Hopefully you have funds to pay for it.[/quote]

I am so sorry for what your family went through. And I am so impressed with their commitment. As hard as the road was, this is an amazing success story and your family is unbelievable. [/quote]

Yes, my mother (and to some extent my dad) was a good role model for being an activist when something just wasn't right. But even then, I felt torn that the incredible amount of 30K per year in 1982 meant other local kids had less support from the agency. But then again, my sister would have ended up in jail like her brothers, which would have far exceeded 90K. The other adoptive families were not so lucky and their kids were either "given back" in some fashion or are still incarcerated. I appreciate your understanding and nice words.

I truly feel for OP who is going through this nightmare right now. My best advice is to do anything to get the kid into the system and find experienced advisors who understand what they are really dealing with and how to get to a solution. Also, how to protect 80yo and the younger sibling, who is also traumatized but not currently acting out.

I can't believe I "survived" [/quote]

Funding doesn't reallly work that way.  You aren't taking it from another child.  They get funded as needed.[/quote]

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