Reply to So. Difficult.

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "So. Difficult."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had three teens during Covid lockdown, and we sat down and decided together what we would do/not do. We researched and presented scientific reports or preprints to try to understand what the best practices were, and how to proceed. We all had to agree. It helped them take responsibility for the decisions. We still do that now - if there’s an uptick then we meet and discuss what to do.

That doesn’t help your current situation, though. I too have a 21 yo who blames me for their own bad decisions, and I find it helps to listen and to acknowledge their feelings. That doesn’t mean taking blame. Remind them that if they can determine what role they played, they have more control over avoiding that mistake in the future. [/quote]
My 16 yr old told me that they are more mature now, and they want to be able to make their own decisions.  She is not that mature, but I let her do that.  Of course, she made some bad decisions, and when I let her suffer the natural consequences of those decisions, she lashed out at me.

When my kids were younger, I wanted them to learn my mother tongue and was going to put them in Saturday class.  They fought it tooth and nail so I didn't do it. Now, as teens/young adult they tell me that I should've just forced them to do it because they want to know how to speak the language.

They also fought me on taking music lessons. I made them do it for a couple of years, and then let them stop. They told me recently that I should've forced them to continue because now they wished they knew how to play the instrument better.

All of this was me.  DH makes no decisions or initiatives about these things. He's supportive of what I say (so, at least there's that), but he doesn't take initiative.

That's why I get the blame.  Can't win.

My older kid will turn 20 in a few days, and they said that they recognize that I was right in most cases. They try to explain that to my 16 yr old, but DC still doesn't want to listen.  I'm hoping that the 16 yr old will one day be mature enough to recognize that I was right in most cases.

Still, it is maddening to deal with the fallout right now.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics