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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DH's parents have never been particularly close with us - he is usually the one initiating FaceTime to see the grandkids, visits, etc. They are not malicious but just old and set in their ways.

DH is very different from them - moved across the country to college, built a professional career, traveled the world. They worked minimum wage jobs, eat a few basic dishes that don't require cooking, have very limited interests in anything. We are honestly not sure how they spend their time now that they are retired - they don't have any hobbies like gardening or crafts or crosswords, do not go to church or library or senior center, don't have friends. I think they literally watch TV all day. We have tried gently encouraging and supporting (mainly DH as he is their kid), but they have no interest. We've really also tried finding points of connection, but there just doesn't seem to be much.

Visits with them are...tough.

First, they never have any ideas for what to do, and are always sort of unwillingly dragging along with us, whether it's outings with the kids or just sitting at home playing or reading with them.

Second, their schedule is v incompatible with ours and they have no interest in adjusting at all. We have young kids who are up by 6-6:30 and down around 7 (younger) and 8 (older). Younger also needs a nap. They get up close to noon and stay up until 1-2AM watching TV until they pass out on the couch. So by the time they are getting up, we need to do lunch and nap. I am tired because I work full-time and am pretty involved with the kids, so I usually want to crash early as well, I can't socialize with them for very long after getting the kids down.

DH wants to have a relationship with them (esp the kids), so we have done visits twice a year (usually at their place because they don't like coming to us). We make lots of suggestions, try to be flexible, and really want to make it work.

But as they get older, the situation is getting worse. They used to at least make a bit of an effort during the hours that we are all awake. Spend time with the kids, ask us some questions about us, etc. This time, they literally went about doing their chores, or on their phones or reading the paper, not interacting with us at all. They do serve us food and consistently (almost obsessively) clean up after us if the kids leave a toy out or something and don't let us help. It is like pulling teeth getting them to actually do anything with us.

We tried talking to them about it, and it went nowhere. I can see that they genuinely don't understand ("How can you be offended? We have nothing against you, we're just following the same routines we follow every day. "We didn't want to get in your way.")

At this point, I want to stop visits to them, because driving several hours just to sit awkwardly in their house (which is not very kid friendly either) makes no sense. I am happy to host them if they want to see us. DH is reluctant to give it up. What should we do?[/quote]how often do you visit your family? [/quote]

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