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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the OP of the thread with the 59 y.o. STBXH. I am so sorry that you are going through this situation. I was in your shoes before STBXH moved out to his own place. Except that my STBXH was not nearly as physically threatening or angry as yours. While I was in that situation I didn't even realize how bad it was. Only after he moved out, and my home became a haven of bliss, serenity and happiness, did I realize how horrible it had been. Before we bought a place for him, he refused to move out. Then I should have moved out. It was a nightmare to live like that.

OP, your situation is BAD! Your girls are suffering. Do not do this to them and to yourself. You will damage your daughters for life. You are setting them up for a similar dynamic in their own marriage.

If you divorce he needs to get his own place anyway. He should move out now. Consult a lawyer to see if you could probably stay in the marital home post divorce. If not, sell the place and move out with the girls.

My STBXH and i are not divorced, therefore the custody issue has not come up. But in practice he sees our daughter only every second weekend, sometimes less often. As your daughters grow, the court would take their custody wishes in consideration.

Big hugs to you![/quote]

Np. There is nothing that indicates dh is truly abusive and from the words here, I suspect any court professionals involved if a divorce escalates may find that op is alienating her daughters and trying to get them to align with her. And punish her for it by stripping custody. Anyone who doesn’t think this happens is incredibly naive.

Op what you describe is unfortunately fairly standard unhappy marriage dynamics that happen to many couples. Divorcing will likely make it harder on your kids, not easier. Studies show thus again and again. Marriage is a marathon. Try to see what you can do to make things respectful most of the time. Make it to college for the kids and then reassess. [/quote]

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