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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Because he decided that not giving the kid attention was the strategy he wanted to use. It is a legitimate approach. It is not unfair to the kid. Your child needs to learn to calm down and sometimes withdrawing attention, rather than rewarding the behavior with attention, is the way to accomplish that. That was his strategy and you ruined it. That is undermining. You're not allowing him to make and implement parenting choices.

It was really rude of you to ask your DH and then ignore his response. What you did expressed disdain for him. I do not understand why you asked the question if you were going to go in anyway.

You seem like a pushover parent.[/quote]

I can see that perspective. I’m not sure I agree with it, but thanks for explaining it that way. It gives me something to think about.

I agree that I shouldn’t have asked and then ignored his answer. I’m not quite convinced that I shouldn’t have just gone in instead of asking.

To my credit, I didn’t go in when DS was crying that he wanted me and DH responded that I couldn’t come then, which was a parenting choice that I disagreed with in that moment. I went in when DH was fed up and walked away.

FWIW, DS usually prefers to be left alone when he’s upset, he calms down on his own and then may ask for a hug or may just go about his day. This bedtime meltdown was unusual in itself, and it was also unusual that DS was looking for comfort instead of pushing DH away. Now that I typed that, I see these are all reasons that I’m justifying interfering. Okay, I agree that I interfered.

So the next question is - how do you not interfere when you really disagree with what your partner is doing???[/quote]

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