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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Talk to the lawyer and understand your logistical options first.

Read chumplady.com in the meantime so when you talk to your wife about her feelings you are prepared for whatever she says.  Some things are more believable if you're hearing them for the first time.  You need to get an accurate read on what is going on with your relationship.   Nobody on here can assess that for you.

If you are completely blameless, and have a good relationship with your daughters, it will work out.  However, custody logistics and battles are a mess for all concerned. I also believe that kids who can drive themselves and who have opinions on where they want to live have more ability to choose where they live.

I would recommend asking your wife to move out if your relationship is irreconcilable.  Your daughters likely won't want the AP or another man in their lives in the short run-up to college.  The best case in an absolute break is your wife moves out to an apartment and everything else stays the same.  High school kids plus a dad can run a house.  Staying in the home sends a good message if you can do it.

I'm sorry, OP.  I have two female friends who got blindsided by husbands cheating when they had younger kids. They did nothing to deserve the egregious cheating they discovered.  It's devastating.[/quote]

Thank you for the advice.
I'm meeting with the lawyer in two weeks.
I feel really stupid because I've given up so much for this relationship. Seven years ago, we relocated from Chicago to DC so she could get better opportunities for her career as a lawyer. I even took a pay cut when we moved. Now she has an awesome job and makes more money than I do. 
[/quote]

OK, so you can maybe get alimony and keep the house and kids.

Do not have any ugly confrontation before you have talked to the lawyer.  For one thing, once this is discussed openly, there will need to be next steps.  And the emotional spillover will start impacting the kids because it will be out in the open.

It's the end of the school year.  Your kids may be studying for finals, have proms, etc.

Limp this quietly along for a few weeks.  You'll be glad later.

Your kids are more important than money or career.  Just keep your focus.  Your goal should be maintaining a home with them, and that means your current house is the best choice for them.   I feel the cheater should move.  I also think the kids should know why, at the right time.  This will blindside them as well but keeping silent will not protect anyone and would teach weird life lessons about honesty and how to break up with a partner.[/quote]

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