Reply to Acceptance and Peace

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[quote=Anonymous]It is hard. I’m less than a year out. Mine are 8 and 11. I delayed the divorce as long as I could despite XH having major mental health issues and being emotionally abusive because I could not bear being separated from them when they were younger. He was the one who wanted the divorce — I probably would have tolerated the situation to not be separated from the kids. In retrospect that wasn’t a great instinct as it is more important for them to see their mom have self-respect and self-love, which I couldn’t model in that situation…. but it’s hard to fight the instinct not to leave your kids.

Like a PP above I also flex my work schedule and have pretty much the same amount of time with them that I’d have before. I sign up for any school related volunteering so I can see them more. For the first half of the year we also did 1-1 time with kids on the weekend. I still try to request 1-1 time with them during his time when I know he would not be with them anyway, or when I know he would prefer a break. That way I can take them for little outings or dinners. He gives up a fair amount of his custody time (because of course although he fought for 50-50 he doesn’t really want it). There are only a few days a month that I end up not seeing them at all. Usually I schedule my work travel on those days.

I do think overall I am more present and relaxed due to the time away. So they may be getting less time but it’s probably higher quality. The main thing I worry about for them is the going between houses, not the lack of time with me.

It helps if you can do meaningful things with your time when you’re not with them. I am using the time to do some trainings that I’ve always wanted to do, spend time with friends/family, travel, exercise, fix up the house, creative writing, work on my career, care for my health. I increased my income by 30% this year and am moving ahead with projects that were on the back burner for years due to full-on mom time. My world has gotten so much bigger and it feels good to have myself back. [/quote]

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