Reply to What is with the lavish bachelor(ette) trips?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Rich people trend that has taken off on social media. [/quote]

I consider the entire wedding industrial complex a "rich person trend" that took off among the middle classes. And it pre-dates social media but goes back to Martha Stewart.

Before Martha Stewart Weddings (the magazine) and TV shows detailing the lives and activities of rich and famous people, most middle class Americans, including UMC, didn't really know that weddings could be like that. Maybe middle class people in big cities had these aspirations because if you are from NY you are more likely to be aware of what weddings are like at the Plaza or something. But the rest of the country? No. People got married at their local church or someone's backyard, receptions would be in reception halls. People did "colors" and bridesmaids and stuff but everything would be affordable. People rented tuxedos, it was just a given that the food would be kind of mediocre, people weren't bankrupting themselves for weddings because it honestly wasn't even possible in most places -- there was only so much you could do and it was mostly priced in a way that the average family could afford it.

So it started with people learning about the weddings of celebs and society-types, including details like the cakes and flowers and favors, and wanting to aspire to that. And then it grew and grew to encompass the bridal shower, the bachelorette, all of it. Then social media really exploded it by creating a more intense pressure. Also women realize early on with social media that there are just a couple events that tend to garner a ton of social media likes and attention (weddings and babies) and that increases the pressure to make the most of it. It's super weird.

I got kind of pressured into having a wedding and even though we eschewed a lot of this stuff (definitely no destination bachelorette), I had friends who really pushed it. Some of my friends were so adamant that my spouse and I needed social media hashtag that they tried to create one without me until I kindly asked them to stop. My mom and sister were also very insistent and judgmental about stuff, maybe less because of SM and more because they really buy into this idea that you have to do it in this big, coordinated, photo-ready way. I wound up happy with my wedding but really frustrated by all the pressure and negative feedback I got from some of the women in my life, and that taints some of my otherwise good wedding memories. If I had it to do again, I'd go with our original plan to do a courthouse elopement and then just host a dinner with local family and friends at a favorite restaurant. We did a more elaborate, planned version of that anyway and all my favorite memories of my wedding were organic moments with my spouse and friends and family and had ZERO to do with the little details. I love our wedding photos but only posted any online because I wanted to boost our great photographer, and later took them down for privacy.

I think it's all out of control and doesn't have much to do with marriage or even creating memories, it's all about likes and branding and it seems soulless to me.[/quote]

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