Reply to Sometimes I just don't know what to do...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][i]His school had a thanksgiving lunch and he asked me not to come. He only went with his dad. That hurt me so much. Our relationship has deteriorated to that and I can not find a way to repair it. Yet I can not accept the way he is.
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[i]Today I told him I was done. I feel so support from DH who doesn't help me enough. He also has a different parenting style. He doesn't intercede much in trying to effect change in DS so I feel the full burden always falls on me to try to make him learn simple manners and courtesies. So I told DH and DS I needed to get away. I am thinking of taking my baby and getting an apartment for just us for a while. I just can't parent my son anymore and I can't take it anymore.
 [/i]

I don't understand this at all.  He can't ask to spend some alone time with his dad...but you can tell him you are "done" with him?  So you can reject him completely, but he can't so much as have an hour's independence from you?[/quote]

no, he tons of alone time w dad! They do sports together, they go out to lunch and dinner together, they watch movies by themselves, they go shopping together. There's no shortage of alone time with dad. This thanksgiving lunch is a family thing. Grandparents, parents, siblings, everyone is encouraged to come. This is the first year he specifically asked me not to come. [/quote]

Ohmygoodness.  OP, are you purposely being dense?  The person you quoted was pointing out how inappropriate your response is to him.  For the situation to improve with your son you have got to see how destructive your behavior towards him is -- he's a child and you are the adult.  You don't get to act immaturely because he does.  It is not tit for tat.[/quote]

Can you stop with the insults? I'm here trying to get support and suggestions. Spare me the insults. Okay so can you give me some concrete solutions to these examples?
- what do I do when he throws his dinner out, the same dinner which he asks me to make? 
- what do I do when he helps himself to gluten items in the frig when he has a gluten allergy?
- what do I do when he jumps on the bed even when I place the baby on the bed?
- what do I do when he plugs up the bathtub drain because he thinks it would be fun to do. And then does it three more times even after I tell him not to do it?
- what do I do when he loses his electronic toy privileges and then sneaks it into his backpack anyway to school?
- what do I do when he shakes the baby's playpen with the baby in it?
- what do I do when I ask him to do his homework and he says, "You can't make me do it?"
These are just obviously a few examples. I have no ideas on how to resolve each of these. When I take privileges away as my DH asks me to do, DS says, "It's okay I know I'll get the electronic toys back eventually." When I tell him to go into time out, he taunts me from his timeout place.

Is my DS the only person who does these things? You sound like a mature person so I know you must have ideas as to what I should do.[/quote]

NP here -- OP, no one is saying you don't have it rough.  You absolutely do.  But your posts suggest that your position is that (1) nothing you are doing is contributing to the situation, (2) you've tried everything and nothing has worked, and (3) you're not willing to change anything you are doing.  We can't tell you "You must do X, Y and Z, and that will fix everything, and here is what you do for each of the problems you've raised."  We don't know you, and we don't know your family.  But if you start with a mindset of "There is nothing I can or will do to change this," well, then, you're kind of trapped.  So, you need to change that mind set.

There is nothing you can do that will force your DS to behave.  There is nothing you can do to force your DH to change.  The only person you can control here is yourself.  Start there.  I'm not saying it won't be a challenge.  But what other choice do you have?[/quote]

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