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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am sorry for what you are going through.

Not all kids are self-motivated and become self-independent early on.  So for such kids the  end results are always better if the parents remain engaged and guide them for longer than age 18.

Some young adult kids also need the hand holding and more intensive adulting skill lessons.  Leaving them to their fate in their teens, 20s or even early 30s - does not bode well for them.  Some kids do need the guardrails and training wheels for a long time.  The pay-off is that they become productive members of society who can then have the rest of their adult milestones - job, career, financial independence, marriage, kids, home etc.

I do not know what you can do at this stage of their life.   Your ACs do not seem to have the relationship of trust with you where they will appreciate whatever guidance you could give.  I think 50% fail rate is pretty much indicative of how much "hands off" parenting you did.  [/quote]

It would be interesting to hear about OP from her kids. If you're correct, maybe the successful kids will say that they appreciate their parents paid for college, but that they received little guidance on anything and are glad they were just born pretty functional to begin with; and the ones who did not graduate will be bitter that due to lack of parental intervention early on, they were left to make easily avoidable mistakes and then suddenly the rug was pulled from under them.

[/quote]

We were equally involved with all 4 all through school.  The less functional boys just saw college as a good time.  We had a nice relationship until we started to set boundaries where money is concerned.  Our other boys are self sufficient, but will ask for advice from time to time.  They seem very happy and proud to be doing things on their own.  We love all our kids and hope to get past some of this drama.  [/quote]

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