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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do you hold your brother’s wife accountable for his behavior? I’ve never had a close relationship with my SIL, and it’s fine—we’re very different and not close in age. But my husband has never put much effort into his relationship with his family—as a brother, uncle, or son—and I sometimes feel like I’m held responsible for that.

Like if he forgets to RSVP for a wedding, or doesn’t buy gifts for his nieces and nephews, or if he’s not visiting his mother very frequently, it seems to reflect more poorly on me than him, but I don’t know if I’m just imagining hard feelings.[/quote]

I hold my brother accountable for things that you mention, but at the same time acknowledging SIL’s influence on him.  My mother, OTOH, holds SIL responsible for every slight, perceived or otherwise, from them.

My FIL accused me of keeping my kids from visiting him and MIL, even though it was DH who resisted visiting them due to work and I was the one who ultimately made the visits happen.  I told FIL this and he didn’t believe me.

Parents are much more likely to hold DIL responsible, often unfairly.  I think (hope) siblings are more reasonable.[/quote]

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