Reply to Husband asked me to change my behavior

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’ve always envisioned my life and had certain standards for it. I do struggle with feeling like things need to be a certain way and perfect. I like things to be just right. Example: I will make the same recipe many times until I perfect it. This happened for our wedding, home, and now our baby. I had to have prefect everything for this baby. My birth plan is not what I wanted and I’m crushed and in a [b]bad funk. [/b] [/quote]

It seems like you understand these feelings are making you unhappy.

[quote]
DH [b]kindly[/b] sat me down and shared his feelings and worries over my perfection. He feels my feelings of perfection will derail my happiness. He doesn’t like how rigid I am and wants me to loosen up. I’m not sure how to achieve that or why I’m like this. He married me knowing how I am. [b]He doesn’t get to change me.[/b] [/quote]

So you seem to understand that your husband is trying to be kind, and maybe you're being reactive because you are feeling criticized, which triggers your desire to be perfect.

A therapist can help you achieve your rigidity/need to control things and derailing when things don't go your way or as anticipated; but a therapist can only help you if you understand you are unhappy and also that you don't have to feel this way- it's anxiety; or a result of your dysfunctional upbringing, which is why you are like this.

I similarly used to become extremely aggravated or enraged whenever things didn't work out, because I was so meticulous about planning and making sure everything would be perfect. With the help of a therapist, I was able to both realize and accept that not everything would be in my control. This helps a lot when you raise kids, because kids are born with personalities that are outside of your control. When they are little you dress them up and you think everything you do is training them somehow, but as they become older they have their own desires, motivations, etc. and good parents respond to that versus becoming controlling. Good luck, I hope you do find a therapist you like who helps you!

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