Reply to For those who have gotten divorced, what was the final straw?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When I realized he was controlling, emotionally abusive, passive aggressive, and is a substance abuser that can't save money even though he makes a lot of it. He is brilliant and talented however he is addicted to the persona I create around him since I'm probably better looking than any other woman he would be able to land.

We have son. It's been a few months since I've realized I no longer love and respect him, no more trust left. I have set up my emotional boundaries so he won't walk all over me like he used to. I know I can't leave him until I am able to support my son entirely on my own. He will fight dirty, I'm afraid, and while I'm pretending everything is okay it really isn't. Just a matter of time. He will be devastated when his seemingly perfect world comes crashing down, but he is the father of my son so I want to make it as painless as possible. Especially for my son. Please pray for my strength during this time.[/quote]

I'm in very similar boat - and pray for your strength.  I also was with emotional abuser and have young kids and DH was controlling, passive aggressive, alcoholic...... What I wish I Could advise a version of myslef 5 years to do: (1) start going to Al Anon meetings -pronto!  (It took my 7 years to go and I thought they would be full of losers, but boy was I wrong thinking I was too good for it); (2) therapy - pronto! - you probably have shame issues like me of staying in this secret shitty relationship that you probably haven't even told your friends/family about because how embarrassing is it that you are putting up with all the humiliation and everything seems perfect on the outside to them, right? ;) (3) start stashing away cash (4) get a $400 consult with a reputable lawyer to develop a one year game plan and find out what documents you need to get in order, etc.; pay in cash and leave no trace of the meeting; (5)  start looking for part time work at a minimum - it could take a year to find a job you love.

I pray for you nad others gonig through this....[/quote]

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